UGH!

Just realized something new and poignant about myself. When starting something new, it takes me about 2 1/2 -3 months before I am bored and don't want to do it anymore. Yep, I am a 3 month flake. Looking back on my history, 3 months is about my max. I start off really enthusiastic and energized and ready to go. Then anywhere from 2 1/2 to 3 months I am ready to eat cookies, and cupcakes again, I am sick of vegetables, and have no desire to exercise. I am tired and don't want to be accountable to anything. This is usually the time that I will gain all of the weight back in a very short amount of time after I just spent the last 3 months working my little behind off. What is the deal with this cycle? I can't even count how many times this has happened to me. Well here we are again. Tomorrow will be my 3 month mark. I have NOT cheated. I am still going, but I find it interesting this lull that I am in right now. My weight is up 1.8 from last week, which doesn't help with my lazy attitude right now. I am going to have to weather the storm however. This is what real change is about. The other times, I never changed, that's why I would just go back to my old self and be miserable again.
Well now, I have made a commitment for 1 year and darn it, I will make that one year. I am actually hoping I can just be calm until I "feel" it again. I have noticed that the weight gain is slight and goes up and down "slightly". Not the big steep shifts I am used to. So, hopefully I can take courage in that and just know that I am in it for the long run and be able to settle down. I do think that I need to change up my exercise program and that will help me to feel better. It's hard to feel good this time of year with the rain, clouds and darkness. Nonetheless, time to hunker down.

This last Tuesday was my 41st birthday. I was looking forward to it in a different kind of way. The last two years I have not looked forward to it, but got a sufficient amount of attention that made it bearable. This year, no attention needed. I just appreciated any kindness that came my way. I felt very committed on my birthday and really had no desire for any kind of treats, including cake and ice cream. You can imagine my surprise when everyone around me felt jipped because they didn't get any cake and ice cream for my birthday. How funny is that? My 4 year old told me that everyone has to have cake and presents for their birthday. Well, I really didn't, but for the sake of tradition I bought a big huge sweet roll from the Maltby Cafe. I went there for brunch with friends, and got one to go. It is big enough for 8 people, so we put candles in it that night and had "birthday cake" ice cream and called it good. The next day my wonderful friend brought me a big beautiful gourmet chocolate cake that she had made. It was gorgeous! You had better believe that I smelled it , and smelled it again. It had two layers of dense chewy chocolate cake with a thick layer of chocolate mousse in between and on top. The top and sides were drizzled with chocolate that had dried and it was sprinkled with cocoa. I felt the consistency of the mousse with my hands, and felt the chewiness of the cake with my fingers. I saw the delight on the faces of everyone in my family as they enjoyed their piece. I enjoyed that cake with all of my senses except my taste buds! Can you imagine? And it was delightful! That cake was a piece of art and I am so thankful for the thoughtfulness of my friend and her beautiful talent that she shared with me. I loved it.
I already mentioned almost everything I didn't eat this week, add cookies for 2 more days, gourmet hot chocolate, and more ice cream. My weight gain this week probably has to do with all of the food I did eat this week. That includes eating out at the Tokyo (YUM!), McDonalds, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut. The last 3, however, are on their way out as I can't eat that food any more. My taste buds have changed and it's not as appealing like it used to be. (This is the real change I am looking for!!!! I will take solace in that.)