UGH!

Just realized something new and poignant about myself. When starting something new, it takes me about 2 1/2 -3 months before I am bored and don't want to do it anymore. Yep, I am a 3 month flake. Looking back on my history, 3 months is about my max. I start off really enthusiastic and energized and ready to go. Then anywhere from 2 1/2 to 3 months I am ready to eat cookies, and cupcakes again, I am sick of vegetables, and have no desire to exercise. I am tired and don't want to be accountable to anything. This is usually the time that I will gain all of the weight back in a very short amount of time after I just spent the last 3 months working my little behind off. What is the deal with this cycle? I can't even count how many times this has happened to me. Well here we are again. Tomorrow will be my 3 month mark. I have NOT cheated. I am still going, but I find it interesting this lull that I am in right now. My weight is up 1.8 from last week, which doesn't help with my lazy attitude right now. I am going to have to weather the storm however. This is what real change is about. The other times, I never changed, that's why I would just go back to my old self and be miserable again.
Well now, I have made a commitment for 1 year and darn it, I will make that one year. I am actually hoping I can just be calm until I "feel" it again. I have noticed that the weight gain is slight and goes up and down "slightly". Not the big steep shifts I am used to. So, hopefully I can take courage in that and just know that I am in it for the long run and be able to settle down. I do think that I need to change up my exercise program and that will help me to feel better. It's hard to feel good this time of year with the rain, clouds and darkness. Nonetheless, time to hunker down.

This last Tuesday was my 41st birthday. I was looking forward to it in a different kind of way. The last two years I have not looked forward to it, but got a sufficient amount of attention that made it bearable. This year, no attention needed. I just appreciated any kindness that came my way. I felt very committed on my birthday and really had no desire for any kind of treats, including cake and ice cream. You can imagine my surprise when everyone around me felt jipped because they didn't get any cake and ice cream for my birthday. How funny is that? My 4 year old told me that everyone has to have cake and presents for their birthday. Well, I really didn't, but for the sake of tradition I bought a big huge sweet roll from the Maltby Cafe. I went there for brunch with friends, and got one to go. It is big enough for 8 people, so we put candles in it that night and had "birthday cake" ice cream and called it good. The next day my wonderful friend brought me a big beautiful gourmet chocolate cake that she had made. It was gorgeous! You had better believe that I smelled it , and smelled it again. It had two layers of dense chewy chocolate cake with a thick layer of chocolate mousse in between and on top. The top and sides were drizzled with chocolate that had dried and it was sprinkled with cocoa. I felt the consistency of the mousse with my hands, and felt the chewiness of the cake with my fingers. I saw the delight on the faces of everyone in my family as they enjoyed their piece. I enjoyed that cake with all of my senses except my taste buds! Can you imagine? And it was delightful! That cake was a piece of art and I am so thankful for the thoughtfulness of my friend and her beautiful talent that she shared with me. I loved it.
I already mentioned almost everything I didn't eat this week, add cookies for 2 more days, gourmet hot chocolate, and more ice cream. My weight gain this week probably has to do with all of the food I did eat this week. That includes eating out at the Tokyo (YUM!), McDonalds, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut. The last 3, however, are on their way out as I can't eat that food any more. My taste buds have changed and it's not as appealing like it used to be. (This is the real change I am looking for!!!! I will take solace in that.)

3 week Plateau

I do believe I have hit a plateau. It's been 3 weeks and I've gone down slightly, up slightly, and then back down slightly. Since December 28th, the total loss is .6. I have absolutely NOT cheated, but it has been harder the two weeks following the holidays, than any other time, except the very first 2 weeks of when I started. I am wondering if this is because all of the hype from starting this and then having lots of fun with the holidays and all, and then a bit of a let down. Seems normal enough to me. This week I actually feel better or back to the way it was, with more desire to be healthy. I also think I need to change up my exercise as I think that will help the weight to start dropping again. It's always good to change it up a bit. I also think that when I finish my 1 year, I will probably have some sort of a let down as well. So, I am counting this as a bit of foreshadowing and hoping I can work through it just like now. Knowledge and experience are power, no?
This week I gave up shortbread cookies, homemade chocolate chip cookies, cupcakes, pudding, and these cute little pink and white flower cookies with frosting in the middle. I am really getting to enjoy the aroma of these things. I had a friend tell me about an article she read that said our olfactory senses are greater than our taste buds. I'll have to look for that article, and post it if I find it.
One morning this week we were completely out of food. So while my typical breakfast menu of 2 morning star sausages, freshly squeezed orange juice, and a Kashi TLC honey almond granola bar was no where to be found, what I did find was some turkey lunch meat and spinach leaves and an apple. I rolled the turkey into the spinach and cut up the apple. Tasted good to me and was very satisfying. I am finding I am very hungry in the morning and I am craving protein. It gives me lots of energy and a clear head to start the day. This was awesome for me because I could see that I am changing!!!!!!! I can't eat cereal anymore because it is not long lasting and doesn't satisfy. Also, I am finding that I don't eat as much food. I don't need to lick my plate clean any more. When I am full, I am done. No deprive-ment. Walk away from kitchen. 1 hour later have an apple and a big glass of water. Yum!
This week down 1.4, but only after gaining .8 last week.

Cadbury Egg sales plummet in 2010

I saw Cadbury Eggs for sale on January 2nd at a nearby grocery store. Can you believe this early? My former self would have seen this as the best thing since sliced bread. Oh how I love the chocolate egg with cream inside! I used to eat them by the box. That's really bad when 4 eggs come in each box. I am not even a huge chocolate eater, it's just that darn egg every year. I feel bad for the Cadbury co. also, because their sales will be way down this year and hopefully every year after. It'll have to be a new norm for them.
I noticed around the holidays, we too had a lot of treat inventory laying around. I had fudge and white chocolate dipped gingersnaps sitting around for days. That has never happened before. You know I was paying attention too because I have been keeping track of every thing. So my big conclusion to that is, it is ME that has been eating everything all these years. I am the clean up committee and disposal of all treats that come to our house. There, I said it, and it is true. How embarrassing it was for me to realize a normal plate of cookies, or pan of fudge that would have been gone in a couple of hours was still sitting around a few days later because I am out of the eating game. Wow, what a realization!

Observation #2 for this week:
I am not a fan of sugar-free desserts.
A week ago Saturday, Scott and I went out and decided to go to Cold Stone for their sinless (sugar free) ice cream. I had mine with pecans and it was good enough, and it was fun spending time with Scott. The Monday after that I had a sugar-free hot chocolate and I had a little bit of real whip cream ( not whipped) that I added to it for an afternoon treat. Then that night our family had sugar-free pudding for our dessert for Family Home Evening. By the end of that night my head hurt so badly and I had semi-stomach problems. I wasn't positive it was because of those things I had eaten, but the thought of having one more sugar-free dessert made me so nauseated and sick. I still feel that way now. This realization has made me surprisingly happy. Now I know that any dessert sugar-free, or sugar-full is going to make me sick, I don't have to bother with either one. This whole dessert thing, is a mental game. Why do we always feel like we HAVE to have a treat? (Disclaimer: Once in a while is still good. Please just don't eat more than one at a time, and space them out over SEVERAL days) Last Friday we went to the Claim Jumper. It was about 10:00pm and most others are having dessert at that time. I decided to order one of my favorite things. Quesadillas. They are really good. For my drink I had an herbal tea. It was very satisfying and I didn't feel deprived. I think if I hadn't been hungry, I would of just ordered the herbal tea and it would have been fine, but I was hungry and it tasted yummy. For some reason when I don't eat sugar, my food tastes really good. The flavors are magnified and I appreciate it so much more. And, when I'm full, I really am full. There is no temptation to keep eating. I actually think I eat less. Weird.
My last comment:
This week I didn't lose, but gained .8 lbs. I don't feel like a loser because I have stuck with my no sugar/ corn syrup eating plan. I reminded myself that my goal is to change, not to lose weight. Losing weight is a side benefit but not my main goal. I have not cheated on my goal and I realize there will be ups and downs and it takes time. (Which is why I wanted to do this for a least a year). The best part is that I can see little changes in myself already. I am getting really good at looking at something and picturing and feeling in my mind how my body (stomach, head) are going to feel after I eat it. It's enough that if you feel sick before you eat it, you will not put it in your mouth. It is easier to turn something down if you know why you're turning it down. It's also very enjoyable to eat something you know is going to benefit you throughout the day. Apples are the best example of that. You can never go wrong with a fresh crispy apple.
Go buy some today!

No more Martinelli's please.

I love Martinelli's. My kids call it fancy juice. We have it from Thanksgiving through New Years Day. This year I counted that we bought or received 15 bottles. We have two left that are in the garage still. Name the flavor, and I love it. There's original, grape, pomegranate and cranberry. Since it is all natural, with no added sugars or corn syrup, I have been drinking it as my little Holiday treat. After several days of drinking this and not even a lot each time, I think I have had my fill. The two bottles left will have to be saved for Easter.
This week has been a bit of a struggle. I wasn't expecting to struggle because I have made it through the holidays just fine. I think I wasn't prepared for how I would feel after the holidays. I had a sweet tooth like I haven't felt for a long time. One day I had a spoonful of honey and an hour later, I had another spoonful of honey. It was rich and didn't really taste that good. The next day it was molasses. I had a big spoonful and then an hour later another spoonful. Again, not the best but I think it satisfied my mental craving. I am wondering if I had after holiday letdown. I was so worried about making it through that I hadn't really prepared for after and thoughts of missing all of my holiday treats were creeping in...? I think I am one of those annoying people who always have to know the meaning for everything. Could have been I just wanted something sweet to eat. Hmmmm, but I don't really think it was that. It had to be mental. ;0
At any rate, I survived another week and have made it to week 10. My weight stayed the exact same even to the very penny. (If it's not a gain, it's a win)
This week I turned down:
Cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory, more Fudge, left over candy from the 3 gingerbread houses we made, junk food, candy, pop, cookies, all from our New Year's Eve party, and Waffles at midnight with vanilla syrup whip cream and strawberries, muffins from Costco, AND I am not very happy that I have to turned down my favorite store bought Chilli- because it has sugar in it. That also came with me turning down the cornbread. Later that night we turned down big thick slices of wedding cake. It looked really good with coconut frosting, and all the other snacks that come with a wedding reception.
This week I said yes to: Chips and salsa, chips with bean dip, chips with cheese dip, chips plain, (good thing my favorite tortilla strips/chips are sugar/corn syrup free), Crumpets from Trader Joes (blueberry sweetened with honey- yummy toasted), Marinelli's as I mentioned before, and I tried a sinless vanilla ice cream at Coldstone with added pecans. It was ok to pass off as a treat when everyone is having one, but not to die for. Loved the pecans.
I will start some spring cleaning this week. I am hoping to give away more of my bigger clothes, and hoping my weight will drop instead of being at a stand still.

Visons of sugar plums danced in my head

I had a great week. It was Christmas and I enjoyed so many fun festivities. However, two nights in a row I dreamed that I had eaten some candy. I just popped them in my mouth, chewed and swallowed. Then seconds later I realized what I had done and my whole year and blog was in ruins. Did I forget I wasn't eating sugar any more? How could this happen? Then I woke up. I was so happy that I had not messed up my 1 year of anti-sugatarianism. The next night was the exact same dream. I wondered why I kept having this dream. Maybe with all of the extra Christmas sweets lying around, my subconscious mind was working overtime. On Christmas Eve, I kept catching myself having little thoughts of popping sugar-filled things into my mouth. My hand never reached out to grab one because I caught my thought process in time, but I was amazed at how automatic it is just to put things into your mouth. I really had to remind myself and it wasn't necessarily that I was tempted because I really wasn't. It was just an automatic thing.
This week I passed on a whole party table full of desserts and treats, eggnog and ice cream drinks, candied apple cider. We made gingerbread houses from scratch with lots of left over candies and frosting. Christmas Eve brought more cookies and fudge, caramels, candies and hot chocolate. Lots of plates were brought over full of wonderful things. The traditional Christmas pudding with nuts and cherries I passed on, will be there next year and the year after that. More cookies the day after and then more fudge making. Sunday night we played games with white fudge covered Oreos and don't forget the vanilla Pirouettes.

This week I said yes to Diet 7up. It really helped to have something crisp and pretty to drink. I also was generous to myself with the Martinellis. Our neighbors who are originally from Mexico, brought over homemade tamales. (they were Fantastic!) We went out to breakfast on Christmas Eve. We tried a new place in Monroe called the Hitchpost Cafe on Main street. I had a scramble (my favorite) filled with ham, sausage, bacon, cheese and all kinds of vegetables. It was awesome. For Christmas Eve, we had my favorite salad and Filet mignon and shrimp. Yum, yum, yum! Christmas day was ham, salad, and potatoes. I had fresh raspberries dipped in real whipped cream sweetened with 1 packet of equal. I did this for Thanksgiving and it has turned into my new favorite dessert. The rest of the days were filled with my favorite soups and leftovers. On Monday we went downtown to the Sheraton and saw some really fantastically made gingerbread houses, then to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. What a wonderful week.
I tried to walk my dog every day for 30 minutes this week of Christmas. That was the only exercise I got and at the end of the week my weigh-in was down 2.6 lbs for the week. What a great gift that was! My total after 9 weeks is 14.2lbs.
I have been feeling good and I am so optimistic because I have made it through Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Now on to the New Year, my birthday, Valentines Day, and Easter. For me those are just as hard. I think Easter has the best candy ever. I think I'll still have to take it one day at a time but so far, so good.

My long black Darth Vador dress has left the building.

I gave my long black church dress away last week. This is the dress I wore when I was pregnant, or when I had just gained enough weight that nothing else fit. Before I started this no sugar quest, I was wearing it to every church function that I was to go. I hated that dress, but as a form of my own punishment, I was not to buy another dress, or wear another dress until my size dropped. So, the result of that was wearing that dress for probably a couple of months straight. A kind lady asked me if I was in mourning because she only saw me in black. I laughed and explained to her that I was punishing myself. I told her not to worry because I was on a better path and she could expect to see me wearing colors very soon. She has complimented me twice since she has seen me in different colors. I kissed that dress goodbye and have no regrets!

This week it has been interesting to see the layers unfold as I discover other bad habits that I have. I use to blame everything on my bad eating habits (sugar all the time). Now that I have good eating habits, I am seeing other areas I need to improve. The most blatant one is that I am not getting enough sleep. I find myself staying up way too late watching t.v. even when I still have to get up very early to help my kids get to school. There are no pick-me-uppers in the afternoon anymore (no soft drinks, or sugar jolts to keep me going). It is interesting to see myself in this very honest way. It's all about choices. I can go to bed earlier, or take a nap, or just be tired. But one thing I will not do is suffocate that feeling by drinking or eating something. HHmmmm.

Recount of my week:
This week my weight stayed the exact same. So after 8 weeks, that's a loss of 11.8 lbs.
This week I said no to a LOT of things: Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, gourmet hot chocolate, dessert at the Claim Jumper, dessert at The Grange, cupcakes and cookies at a baby shower, a full table full of treats for our neighborhood nativity, eggnog with ice cream and 7up in it, hot apple cider with melted red hots, and a big spread of cookies at our Stake Christmas Devotional.
This week I said yes to: sugar free hot chocolate (when I first tasted this I spit it out in the sink thinking I was drinking a sugar-full cup. I had to check and had my kids taste it to verify it really was sugar free. They could definitely tell, but it wasn't obvious to me), tenderloin steak wrapped in bacon with mashed potatoes and carrots, and freshly squeezed orange juice which continues to be my all time favorite. I would also like to add that an apple a day really may keep the doctor away. It does wonders for me.

This week is Christmas and I am so excited for all of the fun activities. I am not feeling deprived and it doesn't feel hard to say no. I feel committed and am not craving things. I do indulge in the aroma of baked cookies etc but in the same whiff I pat myself on the stomach. That's my signal to myself that yes, the smell is enough! This week I dropped a size and I am now wearing a size 12 again. After Christmas, everything over size 12 will be gone. That is a gift I am giving myself. It feels good. I have felt very blessed and feel the warmth that the Christmas spirit brings.

I am starting a new movement called Anti-Sugatarian-ism

Would you like to join my movement? People with allergies and vegetarians and others get out of things they shouldn't eat, or don't want to eat, all the time (in a polite way), by just expressing their own medical title (allergic, diabetic) or ideological title (vegetarian, vegan). Sometimes don't we just need a title and that is excuse enough for whichever thing we don't want to participate in because we will become ill? Or because we just we don't want to? I actually think this is a pretty good idea. When sugar is offered to me I will say "No thank you, I'm an Anti-sugatarian". It seems to be the natural thing to do as well. Vegetarians cut meat out of their diet and gave themselves a name. I happen to think meat is good for the body (no offense to any vegetarians) and the thing that really needs to be taken out of the diet is the one thing that has no purpose or value. Sugar. Can I just take that out of the diet and give myself a name? Think of all the foods, vitamins and minerals that our body needs to survive and thrive. These include Protein, Dairy, Grains, Vegetable, Fruits, and Fats. Our body doesn't need sugar for ANYTHING. It's an excess.

Factoid: Not too long ago only the very rich people were able to eat any kind of sugar. And the people (slaves) who cleaned out their outhouses knew when they were partaking because their urine had a distinct foul smell because of the sugar. (Book: Sugar Blues) Doesn't that sound like a fun job?


My opinion is, if you are going to cut anything out of your diet, wouldn't you cut out the things that your body has no use for? You could save money by not buying things that are excess or of no real value. How much money do you spend on a drink every time you go out to eat?(No matter regular or Diet.) Water is free and actually does something for the body. Why would you buy a dessert when you are already stuffed to the max? Our bodies get nothing from it. They already have everything they need from the meal. Why would you spend an extra $10-15 per meal on drinks and dessert? Something that is of no value?
Cari's Tip:
Next time you go out for dessert order a yummy salad instead. It can be crunchy and fresh, simply delicious. Some of those are sweet enough anyways. At least you can get some fiber and vegetables, sometimes even fruit. Add an herbal tea with equal while friends are eating ice cream or pie. It will settle your stomach and add a little extra something your stomach is looking for. Notice how your waistline feels as you're leaving the restaurant and everyone else is complaining how stuffed they are. The walk to your car will be satisfying.

O.k., so calling all Anti-sugatarians. Who is with me?

Side notes: Lost another 1.4 for the week with no exercising other than walking my dog everyday. That's a total of 11.6 since October 26th. Today completes 7 weeks with 45 to go.

Turned down this week: Yummy (smelling) chocolate cake from Costco, ice cream with Scott, Christmas treats at the piano recital, gourmet hot chocolate at Ward Christmas party Saturday morning, and big box of yummy smelling fudge on Sunday.

What I said yes to this week: Crab, shrimp, salmon Louie, 8 huge shrimp on skewer, and crab stuffed mushrooms at the Crab Pot. Yum Yum!
Planters Select Nuts with Macademia, Almonds, and Cashews in sea salt. Yum!
Honey Sticks. (cinnamon is the best flavor)
AND lots of Christmas activities that were just as fun without eating sweets or gaining any weight. Now that's a great treat!
Have a good week everyone!